The Sports Widow Downloads the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition

February 16, 2007 10:41 PM | 0 Comments

Maybe I was in the mood to torture myself. On the other hand, perhaps I was steeled for it, but last night I reached over to the Guy Side of the bed and grabbed the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition to take it for a visual spin. Here are my random thoughts in no particular order of randomness.

First of all, why is it that when THEY-THOSE SUPERMODELS-get sand stuck on their skin, especially their buttocks, thighs and stomachs, it's sexy, and when I do it's just plain irritating and an eyesore, merely underscoring my lack of buoyancy?

Speaking of buoyancy and evil perkiness, Beyonce: The Dreamgirl as You've Never Seen Her, was the featured model. Why can't she just be satisfied with being a popular, award-winning musician? Does she have to grab ALL of the categories?

Question: What separates the Rookies from the Regulars?

Clearly, I have GOT to do more squats and crunches.

Furthermore, I need to think about how I can accessorize my swimsuits with cowboy hats, lassos, and wedge heels, or embellish them with Ipods, guitars or just guitar picks? This summer, I also plan to consider macrame as an alternative swimsuit material. I wonder how Arbor Heights Swim & Tennis Club will receive the new me?

Lastly, when did Burt Reynolds become a bare rug?

For anyone who cares, here's what's at the top of my playlist. Unfortunately, there are no photos available of me in my swimsuit:

Waiting on the World to Change":
John Mayer

The Game of Love
Carlos Santana

Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters
Elton John

Heart of Gold
Neil Young

Knockin' On Heaven's Door
Bob Dylan