Sports Widow

Football Fans: I Come in Peace

September 17, 2007 4:00 AM | 1 Comments

After being interviewed on CNN Headline News about how Football Widows can survive the NFL and NCAA football season, I received my first flaming torch email comment from a defensive Football Fan, Ryan, who misconstrues what I am trying to accomplish with sportswidow.com. His antagonism doesn't surprise me because I know that when I shine the spotlight on the tensions between Football Widows and Football Fans, I am treading on sacred ground. But, since Ryan got personal, I'm compelled to respond. My premise is that sports is here to stay, so a peaceful co-existence is the only option. My crusade is to help all Sports Widows keep their sanity, gain access and gain equity, preferably maintaining a sense of humor along the way.

To quote, Ryan (my Football Fan Antagonist)
I would die before you were to schedule my times to watch sports. Football is one day a week for 5 months. Get over it. If you husband is spending that much time, get a hint sweetie, he doesn't want to hang out with you and will watch whatever to stay away from you. Your the reason wives are blamed for nagging. Go get some friends or a hobby and get off your mans back. Your unreal.

One day a week? Sure, and I've got some swamp land in Florida for you. I'm glad my husband has a passion and that my children, particularly my girls, have an opportunity to engage in sports in a way that wasn't fostered in the 60s and 70s. I see the benefits to following and participating in sports. I don't want to take my husband's toys away. But, let's be realistic: Being a sports fan, even just a football fan, is more than a once-a-week, 1-game proposition. This means that, as a couple and/or a family, you have to negotiate it.

One way to avoid weekly confrontations is to sit down and talk about the timing of key games, particularly those that are televised. This is not just a device to nag the Sports Fan, but could safeguard the Sports Fan/s in the house from being nagged, because it gives Sports Widows a choice about how they want to spend that time.

You mean, he doesn't like me? My husband and I have known each other for 20 years, and we still love each other. When we met, he and his friends had a Sports Palace. Before we got married, he wanted to sign a pre-nuptial agreement protecting the sanctity of March and the NCAA college basketball tournament. My Sports Widowhood has been a lifelong issue, and I don't blame him for it. Being married to a Sports Fan and spawning new ones, just made me realize my status and gave me resolve to do something about it. Then, when I discovered that there could be as many as 40 million other Sports Widows, I decided to lead a charge.

Get a hobby? I have hobbies, but they all pale in comparison with Sports Fanaticism. Case in point, I've liked movies ever since childhood and I have had a Movie Club for 15 years now. But, I don't grab the movie page every day, constantly consult Internet Movie Database or memorize stats about every actor and movie ever made. For instance, I don't know how much George Clooney weighs or how many movies he's appeared in or how many awards he's received, and I don't know any biographical details either.

In sharp contrast to Ryan, I received some great insights from another Football Fan, Donald of Port LaVaca, Texas, about ways to be inclusive and not divisive. His full entry is at the end of this posting, but here are some tips regarding how he introduced his Sports Widow wife to the Cowboys, Astros and NASCAR:

1) Be patient and answer questions
2) Children are a great resource -- His 8-year-old son asks all of the same questions a Sports Widow might have or he's learned new information and is happy/eage to share it
3) Stay together as a family, avoiding the pitfalls of too much time spent at the local Sports Bar
4) Turn televised sports into an event, inviting friends, family, and kids, as well as offering great food

DONALD'S INSIGHTS & ADVICE (Full Text follows)
Hello,
Was watching TV yesterday and I believe it was you that was being interviewed, so I logged on and added my 2 cents , we live in Port Lavaca Texas, South Texas, me and my wife met in our Forty’s and she had really never even watched Cowboys or Astros , much less NASCAR , I was like you said a little impatient at first but our kids by previous marriages are all gone and we have an 8 year old son who asked questions about any and everything and was used to it. Of course sometimes you can listen and ignore at the same time. As far as advice when a couple stays apart as many hours as it sometimes can be with all the sports offered to us today and some men go to bars to congregate. It is a recipe for divorce, let her pick her favorite teams and players, her favorite drivers and cars, compete against each other and the whole family, invite friends, but don’t segregate male/ female/ kids, as far as party we might be a red neck on that one, we live on the water a back bay, in a older house, we fire up the pit or pits, take the TV outside and if it’s in the evening, we might even put the TV on the trampoline and watch it from our 18’ Wal-Mart pool, it might just be me, my wife and son or my older son when he’s in town or we might invite friends or relatives. But the Bottom line is I watch 90% of Astros, Cowboys, Texans when we can, golf on Sunday evening and every NASCAR race. But the bottom line is if a man goes to a bar without his wife or to a party where she is not invited he will most likely end in divorce. He will maybe find someone he thinks he likes or while he’s away his wife will eventually find someone to give her attention.

Thanks, Ryan and Donald, for helping me better articulate my position as a Sports Widow advocate. These are good conversations to have.