Football Widow

Men are from Mars, Sports Widows are from Venus

January 20, 2008 12:14 PM | 0 Comments

By Keith Mack (Life-long Packers Fan and Sports Widow-maker)

I am in football heaven. My beloved Green Bay Packers, left for dead in 2005 with a 4-12 record, are going to play for the NFC championship at Lambeau Field! They crushed the Seahawks, scoring touchdowns on six consecutive drives after two early fumbles. Brett Favre, written off three years ago by most “experts,” is playing like he’s 28, not 38. Cheeseheads everywhere are fantasizing about the Lombardi trophy coming home (translation: Packers win Super Bowl).

At home, I continue to battle for the time and space to watch games or listen on the Internet (yes, I pay money to listen to the radio). My wife, a 1959 Sports Widow Deluxe model, cannot understand why (even after knowing me 21 years) I still get worked up over games. Nor can she understand how I’d refer to a group of sweaty men I’ve never met as “beloved.”

If the Packers defeat the NY Giants , they will play the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl. Think Good Ship Lollipop vs. the Death Star. I will watch and groan and swear and pray. And that’s during commercials.

During a recent Packers game, I wanted to move the TV because I was getting increasingly agitated, bringing out my trademark football-induced grunting, stifled screams and groan. I needed space. Melinda asked if I couldn’t just control myself. It was fourth down and inches! If I wanted to control myself, I’d meditate and do yoga. This is the Green Bay Packers, and going nuts is part of the bittersweet experience. I cannot change. Nor will I apologize for it.

A few years ago, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by John Gray argued that women and men behave as if they’re from different planets. Gray became a multi-millionaire with that news flash. Here’s where he got it wrong as far as sports are concerned: At least Mars and Venus are in the same solar system. Melinda and I operate in parallel Sports Widow/Sports Widow Maker universes, invisible to each other. Sort of like the mythical village of Brigadoon, we understand each other every 100 years where sports are concerned.

I am 51 and am slowly accepting things I will never understand. I don’t get how my wife can spend two hours on the phone with a girlfriend discussing five minutes of content. I will never grasp how Elly, our friend, could leave her husband in the car at the mall, saying “I’ll be back in a couple of minutes” and be gone three hours. I can’t understand how some people will vote to keep Marie Osmond on Dancing with the Stars , but not vote in a national election. But I accept it.

When the Packers win, somehow the innocence of my childhood returns, if only briefly. It makes no sense, but there it is. When the only publicly-owned professional sports franchise in the nation wins, then maybe, just maybe, good will someday triumph over evil. When Favre, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, wins, it’s somehow my victory. When he heaves an interception, yet comes right back and throws for a touchdown, I know it’s possible to be undeterred by failure.

I’ll keep negotiating the best I can with Melinda, but I have to have my sports time. Please don’t try to understand it. Accept it. Two weeks after the Packers defeated the Carolina Panthers, I am still positively giddy. Melinda asked me if the Packers had won. I replied, “Would I be in such a good mood if they had lost?” She responded, “I would hope that after 20 years you might grow up a little.”

Keith Mack
(Ultimate Sports Fan and Sports Widow-maker)
Listen to Keith and Melinda on Sports Widow Radio.

Mark your calendar, the Super Bowl is Sunday February 3, 2008.