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The Definition of a Sports Widow

July 9, 2007 10:04 PM | 0 Comments

Each day, our nation’s television and cable networks, radio stations, newspapers, magazines and Internet devote an astounding amount of time, space and money to reporting about sports to the sports-savvy.

Drive through any major metropolitan area, and sports facilities, shrines to our national obsession, dominate the skyline; sports bars teem with rowdy, beer-swilling fans; politicians regularly debate how much we should invest in sports facilities and franchises; and sports/athletic gear is a wardrobe staple.

In the U.S. alone, there are well over 62 million sports fans and at least 19 million sports addicts, and they are 92% male, ages 18-54. (See more details in my entry entitled The Definition of a Sports Fan.)

If you think about it, conservatively, behind these sports fans at least half -- or 40 million – have a disenfranchised wife, girlfriend, mother, partner or reluctant companion, who is overshadowed or excluded from “The Club.”

These are the Sports Widows.
So, with a constituency this large, I ask you… Where’s the rebuttal? Where’s the foil? Who’s commiserating with, interpreting for, negotiating for and most importantly cheering for the OTHER team?

No one…

Until now.

Enter sportswidow.com, the web site designed for my people, the Sports Widow Nation.

Who Are We Sports Widows and What Are Our Credentials?
In my unofficial survey, Sports Widows span age, nationality, temperament and gender, but we are mostly female. Despite Title IX, Sports Widows are as self-replenishing as their foils, the sports fans, are. We may not generally identify with the term Sports Widow, but instead may consider ourselves a specialist: Football Widow, Basketball Widow, Baseball Widow, Soccer Widow, Golf Widow, Tennis Widow, Hockey Widow, Racing (NASCAR) Widow, Bowling Widow, Hunting Widow, Fishing Widow, Cycling Widow, Poker Widow… Our definition of Sports Widowhood may even get more specific, depending on how the sports fan in our lives manifests his/her passion. Is the fan an athlete or a spectator? Does the fan follow or participate in professional, college, or youth leagues? In other words, there are as many Sports Widow varieties as there are Bubba Gump shrimp recipes***.

Regardless of our specific affiliation, the roots of our Sports Widowhood can be traced to any or a combination of the following sources:

• A natural, often humiliating, lack of coordination;
• Ignorance about and a lack of exposure to sports in general;
• Challenging, daily life negotiations with an adult sports fan and/or children who participate in or follow sports; or
• Extensive knowledge about and possibly even a participant in some sports, but alienated by others.

Sports Widow Psychology 101
Sports Widows have a variety of psychological attributes. Here are some that describe the continuum of typical Sports Widows and their associated mentalities. While my emphasis is on women, there are plenty of men who are Sports Widows, too.

The Avenging Sports Widow HATES sports and considers it an assault on her life. She would like nothing more than to crush the back of sports domination with the heel of her fashionable boot. She may have been raised by a sports fanatic, married to one or in a relationship with one, but she has vowed never again.

The Sabotaging Sports Widow has a conflicted reaction to her fan’s passion for “the game.” Rationally, she thinks it’s great he has something he cares about. Yet, emotionally, she resents how it siphons away his time and focus. Her problem is compounded by the fact that she doesn’t see the counterpart in her life; she doesn’t feel equally indulged. Or, alternatively, she just doesn’t “get” why sports are interesting or important. Secretly, she is jubilant when her fan’s teams don’t make the play-offs. She is also a clever strategist, deftly placing scheduling roadblocks that directly compete with her fan’s plans as a participant or spectator.

The Enabling Sports Widow is the quintessential “water girl,” blithely preparing the snacks and stocking the soda and beer for sporting events. If there are children involved, she entertains them, permitting her fan to indulge in his passions. She may also dutifully attend games, whether professional or for her children, but finds solace in distractions: conversing with other Sports Widows, sampling food and drink, smiling at cute babies, ogling cute players, watching half-time entertainment, reading a good book, or jotting down grocery lists. If you ask her to provide a game recap or to identify which team won, she will have no idea.

The Compromising Sports Widow has devised an intricate, yet satisfying, debit/credit system, frequently with emphasis on the credit card. She makes calculated trade-offs with her fan that may include barter items such as shopping, time alone, socializing with girlfriends or pampering.

The Keeping-Up-With-The-Fan Sports Widow vainly tries to participate in her fan’s sports, but her abilities, mind and heart aren’t truly engaged. After a while, she runs out of steam (or her knees start to give out from advancing age).

The Role Reversal Sports Widow reflects that rare instance in which the fan is female and the Sports Widow is male. In this case, the Sports Widower may be Avenging, Enabling, Compromising or a Keeping-Up-With-The-Fan variety.

My hypothesis is that Sports Widows are effectively members of a club, which has yet to find a sense of community and shared empowerment. Whether you're on an intellectual path from Sports Ignorant to Sports Savvy or a physcial path from un-athletic to athletic, or an emotional path from anger/revenge to amusement/accommodation or you're stuck on the side of the path somewhere, I hope you'll join me. I want to hear your stories so that we can laugh, learn and get inspiration from each other.

After all, life is a contact sport. Seize the remote. Reclaim the recliner. Get in the game. I'm here for you.

***Note: there are 75 shrimp recipes in The Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Cookbook: Recipes & Reflections from Forrest Gump