Basketball Widow

Basketball Blues? The Sports Widow Mom Experiences a Rare Victory

May 17, 2006 6:43 AM | 0 Comments

Today, there was a 2-hour early dismissal from elementary school. I'm still not sure what the teachers do with this time, but I am glad they have it, AND I planned to take a day off from work in order to enjoy the extra time with my children. As it turned out, Caroline had a playdate, Kit was home sick (after vomiting all over the school bus and parts of a nearby county), and Austin returned home full of energy. Since my wings were clipped by Kit's illness, we needed to stay close to home and Austin proposed that we play a 20-point basketball game in the alley and check on Kit's status every 5 points. I agreed.

This time, I decided to really try to "BE AGGRESSIVE," B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E, like the cheers my B-Cheerleader Squad used to chant in middle school for the mighty Whippets (that's a small version of a greyhound). Then a miraculous thing happened: I won.

Here are my tips on winning when you are competing with an 8-year-old or someone in this age bracket.

Mothers, use your wide child-bearing hips and butt - the bigger the better. Swing them in his face, hip check. They're your best weapon.

Capitalize on the fact that you are taller than they are, and remain glued to them like you're the proverbial cheap coat.

Keep your legs close together so those sneaks don't try to bounce the ball between them.

When you're guarding, get scrappy and wave your arms like a banshee.

Don't be afraid to try some new, less orthodox moves like tap dancing or singing show tunes.

Trash talk, but never swear: Mutter things like "I'm going to mop up the court with you." Remember, attitude is everything and intimidation is your friend.

After my victory, Austin was initially very glum and resentful. Then, he became repentent: "I am the worst sport, the worst player. I could have done so much better..." Blah. Blah. Blah. I tried consoling him, but here's my take on it: Every dog gets its day. I've lost a million times in my life -- everything from Parchisi and War to Bowling to Baseball. I know I shouldn't gloat, but I did win, and NOONE can take that away from me -- even though it was only by 1 point.

Have you developed any athletic prowess in this arena?